Songs from Paul Thorn's Live At Short Street CD - 2000 |
Blue Stew I take one bucket full Of hair like gold Then add two heaping teaspoons Of lies she told Just a quart of tears And one half truth Then I mix it all up And have some blue stew Maybe I'll start My own little cooking show And then I'll be on TV From coast to coast I'll say here is my recipe For love-sick fools And it's easy to make I call it blue stew TV dinners, a beer or two Potato chips And the bitter truth I'm eating Blue stew, blue stew It's hard on the heart It ain't good for you When you're all alone At a table for two You're having blue stew You can't buy it at Your local grocery chain I sell it at my international House of pain If you're broken hearted Have a bowl or two Cause I'm a gourmet chef At cooking blue stew There ain't no red peppers In that boiling pot But when you get burned That's what makes it hot It's so hard to swallow When your love ain't true But I get lots of business Selling blue stew I'm eating words You said to me But I've got a hunger You would not believe I'm eating Blue stew, blue stew It's hard on the heart It ain't good for you When you're all alone At a table for two You're having blue stew Yeah I'm eating Blue stew, blue stew It's hard on the heart It ain't good for you When you're all alone At a table for two You're having blue stew Blue stew Viagra There was a time When I could make love All night long Like a big rooster In the barnyard I felt strong But now my private part Needs an emergency jump start I'm gonna' go to Viagra Before it falls My wife put on a sexy negligee But I just had to turn the other way She's so full of frustration Cause I can't rise to the occasion I'm gonna' go to Viagra before it falls I know I'm not the man I used to be This sudden lack of manly prowess Is killing my self esteem Oh I feel like such a failure With my broke down genitalia I'm gonna' go to Viagra before it falls (Spoken: I don't want to brag or nothing but I'm the only songwriter in the world who's ever rhymed failure with genitalia. This last verse sends out a message of hope to the whole world) I know a man who is 96 years old He poured Viagra in his Jello bowl And now the old women Won't leave him alone He's the king of the nursing home I'm gonna' go to Viagra before it falls I know I'm not the man I used to be This sudden lack of manly prowess Is killing my self esteem Oh I feel like such a failure With my broke down genitalia I'm gonna' go to Viagra before it falls Turnip Greens (Spoken: One evening I was sitting around the house and my telephone rang. It was my mother. She said "son come on over here and I'm gonna' cook you some supper. So I put down my pop tart and I got in my truck and I drove over there. The first thing I noticed when I walked in was she had a big old pot of turnip greens on the stove. So I set down and ate a bunch of it. And then I told ya'll how she hooked me up when I left with that cool whip bowl.) Yeah, well I went to see My momma this evening She was cooking turnip greens Yeah, went to see My momma this evening And she was cooking turnip greens She had some hot buttered corn bread And I washed it down With a glass of iced tea She had some butter beans And some good old black eyed peas Yeah, She had some butter beans baby And she had some Good old black eyed peas, chomp And you know what else? Everything she had Was fresh out of the garden Except for the macaroni and cheese Now, when I got ready to leave She put some greens a Cool-Whip bowl Yeah, now, when I got ready to leave She put some greens a Cool-Whip bowl Cause she knew I wouldn't' bring Her Tupperware back She said now baby this is something you Can take with you now darling You can heat 'em up And eat 'em when you get home God bless all the mommas Butter My Biscuit Authentic southern cooking Is what you do the best Your Dixie fried recipes Are better than the rest Those turnip greens and cornbread They really hit the spot I'm crazy about your taters And those big old hams you got But dessert is the best part And I don't ever miss it I never leave the table girl Until you butter my biscuit One night I got hungry And you were not around So I went to a drive-thru On the cheating side of town A lot was on the menu There was brunettes and blonds But they couldn't hold a candle So I kept driving on You see artificial margarine Ain't ever gonna' get it Cause I know I got the real thing girl When you butter my biscuit When hunger pains Come crashing down You get it hot and you Spread it around You take off your apron And put away your skillet I always get satisfied When you butter my biscuit You love 'em when they're home made You like 'em from a can It don't matter how I fix 'em You say I'm still your man I know I've got a good thing So I ain't gonna' risk it There's nothing like the thrill I get When you butter my biscuit When hunger pains Come crashing down You get it hot and you Spread it around You take off your apron And put away your skillet I always get satisfied When you butter my biscuit Whoa I always get satisfied When you butter my biscuit A Star That Fell Down I saw Cinderella On Heartache and Vine She sang a'capella And turned dollars into wine Through the crowd I heard the melody Of Mississippi you're on my mind Though no one noticed I saw a tear fall from her eye She's like a star that fell down On the wrong side of town But to me she's shining More than all these city lights Back in Tupelo tonight Something's missing in the sky Must be a star that fell down I took her picture standing Outside the Hollywood Bowl She believed that one day They'll come here to see her show She waded in the fountain Among the wishes others threw in She didn't have a penny So I tossed one in She's like a star that fell down She's like a star that fell down On the wrong side of town But to me she shines More than all these city lights Back in Tupelo tonight Something's missing in the sky Must be a star that fell down In the city of angels Big dreams die hard Back home they don't know She's been sleeping in her car She parks it by a pay phone She gave the number To a friend of a friend She's waiting on a ship that Ain't ever coming in She's like a star that fell down On the wrong side of town But to me she shines More than all these city lights Back in Tupelo tonight Something's missing in the sky Must be a star that fell down She's like a star that fell down Hammer and Nail My boss man said You better get to work Before I have to let you go He just walks around And he pays no mind To the sweat Dripping off of my nose But after ten long years Of him dogging me out There's one thing I've learned well I'd rather be a hammer Than a nail My girlfriend she went out on me A hundred and fifty-one times At least she was Honest enough to admit it When she wasn't too busy lying But I came to a realization The last time she kicked my tail I'd rather be a hammer Than a nail If you've ever been On the receiving end Then you know What it's like A losing situation Has been the story of my life But I ain't gonna' let it Beat me down And someday I'll prevail Yes I will I'd rather be a hammer Than a nail I climbed in the ring With Roberto Duran And the punches began To rain down He hit me with a dozen Hard upper cuts And my corner Threw in the towel I asked him why He had to knock me out And he summed it up real well He said, "I'd rather be a hammer Than a nail" If you've ever been On the receiving end Then you know What it's like A losing situation Has been the story of my life But I ain't gonna' let it Beat me down And someday I'll prevail Yes I will I'd rather be a hammer Than a nail I'd rather be a hammer Than a nail Joanie The Jehovah's Witness Stripper She drives a new car Wears expensive blouses She tells her mama She's cleaning houses She goes out witnessing Doing the lord's work all week But on the weekend She's making ends meet Joanie the Jehovah Witness stripper Put a dollar in her g-string And she'll deliver If her daddy only knew He'd prob-ly kill her Joanie the Jehovah Witness stripper One night down at the club Her daddy walked in He didn't recognize His daughter dancing She wore a blonde wig He had sunglass When she got naked He started clapping Joanie the Jehovah Witness stripper Put a dollar in her g-string And she'll deliver If her daddy only knew He'd prob-ly kill her Joanie the Jehovah's Witness stripper If you ask her why she does it She looks at it this way She says I'm counting my blessings Every night when I get paid She once lived in poverty And now everything's alright The lord showed her how make A thousand dollar a night Joanie the Jehovah Witness stripper Put a dollar in her g-string And she'll deliver If her daddy only knew He'd prob-ly kill her Joanie the Jehovah Witness stripper Every Little Bit Hurts I soaked all your pictures In gasoline I prayed for a miracle But the phone never rang I cried on the front porch And I cursed your name I waited 'till sundown And then I lit the flame I'm trying to get over you But the further The further away I move Every little bit hurts, oh yeah Every little bit hurts Aww, yes it does I turned on my TV I saw John Wayne Kiss his girl goodbye And ride off into the rain He must not have needed her Cause if he did He would have stayed He made leaving look easy But for me it's not that way No, I'm trying to get over you But the further The further away I move Every little bit hurts, oh yeah Every little bit hurts Aww, yes it does (Barry White type recital): Now darling If you're out there listening tonight I want to let you know one thing Someday I'll be strong again And won't worship The ground you walk on But baby until then Every little bit hurts, oh yeah Every little bit hurts Ohh, yes it does Every little bit hurts, oh yeah Every little bit hurts Every little bit hurts Give Them Their Roses On the front porch hangs a banner And a thousand red balloons Today the old man is retiring And the party starts at noon They're gonna' have a celebration He worked so hard for all those years You gotta' give them their roses While they're here There's a young girl on the corner She sells her body for a price She's got a family back in Texas That don't know where she is tonight They never showed how much they loved her So she ran away in tears You gotta' give them their roses While they're here Cause we're not promised tomorrow So tell the ones you love today Just how much you really need them Before you know it it's too late You gotta' give them their roses While they're here Gathered round a marble tombstone With regret in their eyes They all flew in from different places They never got to say goodbye As they walked by and dropped a flower The wind whispered in their ear You gotta' give them their roses While they're here Cause we're not promised tomorrow So tell the ones you love today Just how much you really need them Before you know it it's too late You gotta' give them their roses While they're here Ain't Love Strange Down at Donnie's strip club They all know my name I can't get a woman So I sit beside the stage I think Heather really likes me As she wiggles in my face Takes my forty dollars Turns and walks away Ain't love strange They honeymooned a week or two Until the thrill was gone Now down the street those newlyweds Been fighting all night long Through a hail of flying dishes The police finally came They hauled 'em off in separate cars With cuff and ankle chains Ain't love strange Ain't love stra-a-a-a-a-a-ange Ain't love strange Ain't love stra-a-a-a-a-a-ange Ain't love strange Two gay nympho Quakers On the Jerry Springer show Came strutting out in lingerie To let their family know Their daddy lost his temper When they walked out on the stage Their mama said, "I love my sons, No matter how they've changed" Ain't love strange Ten roosters in the barnyard And just one little hen They jockey for position By cock-a-doodle-in' They flap their wings And strut around Sometimes they fight all day Those fresh eggs ain't the only thing That's needing to get laid Ain't love strange Ain't love stra-a-a-a-a-a-ange Ain't love strange Ain't love stra-a-a-a-a-a-ange Ain't love strange Now God and mama Will love you unconditionally Your woman will love you If you're faithful Your dog will love you If you throw him a bone The devil will love you If you sin Your children will love you If you buy them some candy And I will love you If you put on that Blue and white polka-dot miniskirt With black stiletto heels And just let me sit back And watch you do an interpretive dance To this little groove I got going, one, two Ain't love strange Ain't love stra-a-a-a-a-a-ange Ain't love strange Ain't love stra-a-a-a-a-a-ange Ain't love strange I can't figure it Ain't love stra-a-a-a-a-a-ange Ain't love strange Ain't love stra-a-a-a-a-a-ange Two Dogs In Heat Here at the Blue Sister I play my guitar And I watch men and women Flirt at the bar They act like they're in love When they first meet But deep down they both know They're just two dogs in heat Two dogs in heat Two dogs in heat It ain't love It's nothing more than Two dogs in heat He took her to a motel Where they charge by the hour And they were having a special Free TV and towels She had high expectations That they'd make love all night But he lasted two minutes And went out like a light Two dogs in heat Two dogs in heat It ain't love It's nothing more than Two dogs in heat You wake up the next morning And you turn on the light And she don't look as beautiful As she did last night You tell her you'll call her But you know it's a lie Cause you don't want to see her again For the rest of your life Two dogs in heat Two dogs in heat It ain't love It's nothing more than Two dogs in heat Will The Circle Be Unbroken Well I was standing By my window On a cold Cold and cloudy day When I saw a Hearse go rolling For to carry My mother away Help me people Will the circle Be unbroken By and by lord By and by There's a better Home awaiting In the sky lord in the sky Will I follow Close behind her Or will I try Lord I tried to be so brave Yes I did But I just couldn't Couldn't hold my sorrow When they laid her In the grave I feel this thing tonight ya'll Will the circle Be unbroken By and by lord By and by There's a better Home awaiting In the sky lord in the sky Well undertaker Undertaker Oh Lord would you please Would you please Drive kinda' slow, lord lord Cause that lady That lady you're hauling Lord, lord I hate I hate to see that lady go I'm gonna' see her On the other side ya'll Will the circle Be unbroken By and by lord By and by, lord lord lord now There's a better Home awaiting In the sky lord in the sky We're gonna' end it Like we did in my church In the sky lord in the sky |
Blue Stew Viagra Turnip Greens Butter My Biscuit A Star That Fell Down Hammer and Nail Joanie The Jehovah's Witness Stripper Every Little Bit Hurts Give Them Their Roses Ain't Love Strange Two Dogs In Heat Will The Circle Be Unbroken |
